Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
