you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
