Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Just cropdusted the office
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
