At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
