I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
