saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I can text with my tongue
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
