my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
