I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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