seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
