We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
