It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
