i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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