he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
