I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
