I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
birth control should be required to get into college
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
