I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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