I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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