im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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