Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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