Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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