i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
