Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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