she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
