Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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