Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I want her autograph on my taint
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
