nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
