my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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