You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
