I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize
