my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
