If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
