i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
