i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
