ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
