I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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