i just made my gag reflex go away.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
