I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
