DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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