I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He better not be in your backpack
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
