my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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