I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
