Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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