Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
