ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
