The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Plan B is the new Plan A
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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