Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize