YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
