This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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