Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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