apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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