like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
