You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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