____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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