If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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