whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
