hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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