just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
