Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
