The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
My feet surprised me
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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