Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
