if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
