Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
