so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
