Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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