she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
