Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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