I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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