Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
