I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Randomize
