I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
