my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
