dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
