I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
