i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
