I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Randomize
