When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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