I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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