is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
