Are we in a gay sports bar?
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
