I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
