as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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