Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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